Wednesday, May 21, 2008

WHY do I need this product?

We are living in a material world, and I am a material girl. Especially when it comes to accessories and hair products. Show me a model with beautiful hair, and I'll show you $7.99 for that conditioner.

So I appreciate good marketing and clever commercials. They are trying to sell me something, and I will play along because, ultimately, I want to buy it. But I have no patience for stupid commercials. Because of your dumb presentation, I will not buy your product out of spite. Or I will snidely comment, "Well, SOME marketing director just lost his job" as your spot fades from my TV.

All that being said, I will not be buying Lysol Deep Reach Toilet Bowl Cleaner. Have you seen its commercial? It has all the standard Lysol bits about how it kills 99% of germs, but instead of focusing on surface germs that could kill your entire family by mere eye-contact, the Deep Reach talks about the germs that lurk deep in your toilet, past the point where you could ever reach with a brush. Deep Reach kills these germs, even as far back as the s-bend.


But my problem is, if you cannot reach these germs, even with a brush, then why the #$*^@ do you need to kill them?! Little Tommy cannot reach his hand back to the s-bend. So who cares whether there are germs back there? There are germs under your floorboards, too. Rip up the floors! Disinfect them! No, you cannot possibly be infected by them, but if they're there they must be destroyed! Introducing Lysol UnderFloor Extreme Cleaner! Cleans where even your contractor could not reach! Look for Lysol Behind-the-Drywall Cleaner, coming this summer!

Come on, people. I'm like shooting fish in the barrel. But before I'll help you make a buck off of me, your commercial is going to have to make sense.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Darn Cold

Well, bloggy friends, I am under the weather.

I have developed a cold, and a mighty one at that. I blow my nose about every 8 seconds, and sniffle 15 times in between each blow. I am powered by Tylenol Severe Cold and Head Congestion, which keeps me functioning in 4-hour stints. Last night I dreamed that I was going out with friends, so I tucked an entire roll of toilet paper in my purse for the evening. I kept checking on it to make sure I had enough. Bet I was the life of the party.

At least I am finished with school and haven't started Bar Review yet, so I don't have to be functioning at top level. I can lay on the couch like I have for the past two days and moan. Or make up songs. Right now I am singing:

Oh, I'm a crappy feeling Stephy,
Crappy feeling, yes I am...

I've had the Yankee Doodle song stuck in my head thanks to peanutbutterburrito, who sings her variation of the song to her 4 month-old at changing time. At least I can be sick with a catchy theme song.

So feel free to send your sympathies my way. By the way, I'm going to have to leave the house today for more cold medicine and tissues- so if you live in Cambridge, watch out for a stuffy-headed mess barreling your way. You can't keep your eyes open and sneeze at the same time, even while driving.

Monday, May 19, 2008

The Dating Dirt, Part 1

Finally! The forever-ago promised Dating Dirt is here! This is the first part of the many parts it will take me to tell the whole sordid dating story. I have decided to make the Dating Dirt on Mondays to really start the week off right. Enjoy...

Before middle school, I had never had a real boyfriend. I almost had a boyfriend in first grade, when a kid named Alex Newton asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him I would, but only if he could correctly spell my last name. On the first try. Even as a six year-old, I had high standards. Alex couldn't spell his way out of a paper bag, and coming from me, that's pretty pathetic. Our romance never took off.

Then, in third grade, I considered dating my best friend at the time, Ryan Youngblood. He was seeing a girl named Paige, but one day confessed to me that he loved me more than anyone in the whole world, even Paige. I told him it would never work out; the inevitable break-up would destroy our friendship. He reluctantly agreed, and settled to continue on with Paige, whom he loved second-best in the whole world. Ryan and I stayed close friends until the 5th grade, when we no longer had any classes together.

So imagine me at 13 years old, in 8th grade, with no boyfriend experience. I was in my first professional production at The Opery House in Nashville, TN, playing a near-illiterate mountain girl, whose father was killed in an unfortunate ax accident just a few scenes earlier. Across the stage, my eyes met those of Jason, another local mountain boy. In real life, Jason was 15, tall, and beautiful, with blue eyes and light brown hair. I knew that over the next 3 months (the run of the show), I simply had to make him mine.

Jason had girlfriend experience. He was a sophomore in high school, after all, and the year before had dated a girl whom he claimed had irreparably broken his heart. He was distant on the subject of love, and whenever dating came up among we mountain children in the green room, he would look off into the distance instead of joining in the debate. Even more difficult to break through than his broken heart, however, was his gameboy. Jason would spend almost every moment off-stage on that thing, and it made it hard for me to make noticed appearances here and there. In short, his game was totally ruining mine.

I didn't give up, and eventually Jason returned my flirtations. We took our meals together in the green room, and he would playfully tug at my long and polished braids that I wore for the Second Act. Finally, I decided that the time was right for me to push for a bigger commitment. I casually told him before one show that I would like him to be my boyfriend, and for him to think things over, and if he wanted to, to meet me at the side stage curtains between certain scenes later in the show and tell me so. If he didn't want to, he was not to show up at all, and I would know his answer that way. I promised him it wouldn't hurt our friendship if he didn't show. But we all know that I would never has spoken to him again, not with my crushed 13 year-old pride.

All show I waited near those side-stage curtains, even though "our" scene was not until much later. I didn't want to take the chance of running into him backstage elsewhere and seeing that his answer was no before the appointed time. Then, three scenes before the appointed scene, Jason appeared behind me at the meeting spot. "Hey," he whispered, and I turned from watching the show back to him. "My answer is yes," he said, and then smiled at me. Then he turned and quickly walked away.

And so I had my first-ever boyfriend.

Tune in next week to find out how such a promising beginning turned bad, and fast.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Quick Hits, 5/15/08

1. I know you haven't heard from me in a week. As soon as finals were over I left town and went back to Knoxville, TN to visit my family and friends. I've been so busy catching up I haven't spent a lot of time at the computer to blog. Lo siento.

2. I didn't tell you I was going to Knoxville because I went and surprised my best friend Mel on her 25th birthday in Nashville, TN, just a few hours drive away. It totally worked, as she was super surprised, and we had a great time out and about in Nashville.

3. I drove back to Knoxville last night and slept for 11 hours. This is how much fun we had the day before.

4. I'll be back in Boston on Friday, so look for regular posts again then. Until we meet again, happy week after finals! And happy week of whatever is going on in your life! And happy birthday to Mel!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Countdown Continues, Part 6

2.25 days.
0 pages.

Stop the Countdown. Estoy acabado.


The Countdown Continues, Part 5

3 days.
8 pages.

I'm going to finish this today.

Is today the last day I'll sit in this library as a student?
It's looking that way.
What an odd feeling.

Monday, May 05, 2008

The Countdown Continues, Part 4

Today was a great day for writing. I got up early, hit the library, and was churning out pages like there was no tomorrow. The afternoon was considerably slower, but overall, great output on the day.

I am closing in on it. I am cautiously optimistic. Some papers continue to grow longer despite my best efforts to just. stop. writing., so my countdown may yet be off, but as best I can calculate it I have:

4 days
to write 16 pages.

But as you know, I am trying to go faster than that so I am not typing down to the wire. I had planned to finish up everything on Thursday, but now I hear that my pal Simon (yes, of the Vodka and Tupperware) is leaving town on Thursday for the summer, and wants to hang out Wednesday night. Since I won't see Simon until August in Chicago, I want to go and send him off in style. Can I essentially finish all of my writing by Wednesday evening? I can if I work tomorrow and Wed like I have today.

To make things worse (or better, depending on how you look at "things,") Wed is supposed to be a glorious return to Spring. After a week and a half of gloom, there will almost certainly be an afternoon volleyball game to play. Sooo tempting, especially now that I feel I am a little bit ahead. I think this is my plan: If I have another fabulous writing day tomorrow like I had today, then I will be in pretty darn good shape come Wednesday. And if I hit the library on Wed at the crack of dawn like I did today and plan to do tomorrow, and if by noon Wed I have less than 3 total pages to finish, then I shall allow myself to wander out looking for a game. Then I will finish up the three remaining pages in the afternoon, and go out and celebrate with Simon that evening.

That's a lot of ifs. But all it will take is another two great days of writing. Finish line, here I come!

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Friends in High Places

This is my best friend from college, Amanda, on the cover of MM&D, the Canadian trade magazine for supply chain management and distribution. Amanda graduated at the top of her class from Tennessee in Logistics and Transportation, which is consistently ranked as one of the best L&T departments in the country. Actually, the department is now called Marketing and Logistics, but it is consistently ranked the best of those, too.

Since University, Amanda has been zipping up the corporate ladder, winning friends and trouncing enemies with her stunning competence and ability to manage a team with nothing but the spring from an ink pen and a buttermilk biscuit. She is the MacGyver of supply chain engineering, and here she is, on the cover of MM&D being honored for her implementation of a brilliant new warehousing scheme. And all just a few days shy of her 26th birthday.

Rock on with your bad self, Amanda!

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Spring Left. Mope.

Apparently, I spoke too soon. Spring has not descended on the GWN. It just wanted to pop in for a week and tease us. "See you in June, suckers!"

It has been in the 40s and raining almost every day here for a week. At first I thought the rainy days were helping me do more writing, because I wasn't tempted to go outside to see if a sand volleyball game had formed at school. Now I'm just depressed. Mope Mope Mope. Rainy Saturday. Maybe I should go eat a cupcake.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

The Countdown Continues, Part 3

Some papers have ended up longer than I had expected, so it looks like I am being less productive than I really am. I would like to amend the first countdown post to say that I had 19 days to write 92 pages, instead of 82. But as far as I can tell, the Countdown stands at:

8 days
to write 31 pages

Or about 4 pages per day. Of course, I am trying to write more like 6 pages per day, so that I can finish a couple of days early and review everything before I turn it in. One more week to go.