Men Everywhere Torn Over Which Man to Vote For

By the Diverged Press

Men everywhere are once again finding themselves in quite the pickle this election season, as they are forced to choose between two male candidates for the Presidency. "This never gets easier;" says Ron Davidson of Columbus, Ohio, "I mean, both of the major candidates are men, and I'm a man, so of course I want to support a man, but I just don't know which one to support." Davidson's confusion is shared by men across the country, as the United States prepares for its 56th consecutive election in which two men have represented the top of the Presidential ticket.

"The ladies sure have it easy this year," says Bill Hampton of Rochester, New York. "Obviously, they are all going to vote for Palin- I mean McCain-Palin, because she's a woman. But no has told me who I will be voting for because I'm a man. And that makes things pretty tough." Men have only about six weeks to decide which man they support, leading some men to begin to panic about their options. "There just hasn't been a lot of coverage about the man-vote this year, and the more I watch the debates and speeches, the more confused I become," said Buster James of Los Angeles, California. "Obama and McCain- they're both men, right? So what am I supposed to do?"

Mr. James' wife, Carol James, admits that while she sees her husband's plight, she can't really empathize. "I guess I just haven't had the same problem this year. I mean, Palin '08. Obviously." Every single other woman in the Nation has had the same reaction. "Palin has my vote," declared Hillary Clinton of New York. "Why wouldn't she? We're both women."