One step forward, two steps back

This is a story about Vodka and Tupperware. And my friend Simon.

Patto and I like to host parties. We have a lot of space, and we like having people over, so our apartment is the natural gathering place. Last December, Patto and I hosted New Year's at our place. My friends Simon came, and brought with him a handle of the most horrible, cheap vodka I have ever tasted. Needless to say, it wasn't a big hit at the party, and when Patto and I cleaned up the next day, we found an almost full bottle. We tucked it into the freezer and said we would bring it to the next party we came across.

Two months later, we were at a large house party of more law school friends, and we placed the vodka on the counter with the other liquors. At the end of the night, we slipped away sans Vodka. High five!

Another month passes, and we are at a party at Simon's. On the table is the dreaded Vodka. The fruitcake of Vodkas. We laugh to ourselves. Simon's going to get stuck with this Vodka again! And it's still half full! Pass me the rum! Ah ha ha ha!

Until we threw a party at the end of April. And welcomed Simon through the door with that cursed bottle of Vodka. Just like the cat, the Vodka came back the very next party. With Simon. Determined that this vodka would not curse us for another party, we filled 8 shot glasses with the offending stuff and forced it upon the next 8 people we saw. Finally. Vodka finished. I haven't been so happy to throw away an empty bottle of alcohol in years.

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It happened much the same way with some Tupperware. Last year, about this time, Simon brought brownies in a Tupperware container to a party at my house. And left it there. Over the course of the following year, we tried to give it back multiple times (some times at those parties with the evil vodka), but he always ended up leaving it in my car or at my house. Some times I forgot to bring it when I promised I would. It took a year, but finally, last Friday night, I returned the Tupperware and put it into his sink myself. And left it there.

Later that night we threw a party at my house. The next morning I found left-over cupcakes. Cupcakes housed in not one, but TWO of Simon's Tupperware containers.

I'm just going to keep them.

Have a good "day"

When I was an RA in college, the secretary of my dorm, Mary, was the sweetest elderly woman ever put upon the earth. She had not been raised in the era of computers, but since she had one at work, she loved it. She would type up every single message, no matter how short, and print it out for us. The best part about her notes, however, was her manner of emphasizing certain words with no discernible pattern. Mary liked to underline or bold or put in quotation marks random words, and it was the daily game of the RAs to read aloud her notes and collapse in the floor in laughter at their altered meanings.

For example, one day this note was put up next to the RA mailboxes:
I put brownies in the kitchen -- "enjoy"

Of course, our immediate response was to assume the brownies were poisoned or laced with chocolate laxatives. What else could be the meaning behind the ominous "enjoy"?

Another day, we saw:
RAs, many pedestrians don't LOOK before crossing the street in front of the staff lot. Please be "careful" when driving out.

Is it just me, or was she subtly asking us to run down the pedestrians so they wouldn't just walk in front of her car without LOOKing anymore?

Anyway, the reason I bring this up (besides the fact that it makes me laugh when I look back on it) is because I now have a professor who loves to put quotation marks around random words, just like Mary did. At first I thought he was just putting quotes around terms of art (like "reasonable care", which is a legal standard), but now I think he suffers from the same quotes-happy disease Mary did. Take, for example, this last email he sent my small group after we submitted our weekly assignment:

"This is terrific work, Group. You should be very proud of the time and effort so clearly displayed in this Assignment which "tops," I think, any prior Week's Assignment. Congrats on a job very well done indeed. You have grappled with the "core issues," in a way which fairly replicates the "real world" negotiation on which the Hypo is based. In other words, you are ready to be "welcomed into the legal dept." to prepare First Draft Agreements!

Congrats on "making the grade," and challenging each other to "raise the bar" each week.

I look forward to seeing you in Class tomorrow."

As soon as I read that I thought of Mary and the brownies we should "enjoy" and started laughing all over again. I sure do "miss" her.


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Now, I am leaving this prof. unnamed on purpose, so even if you know who it is, don't go spouting off about it in the comments. I don't want people to google his name and find this post and think I am making fun of him. I am making fun of him, of course, but I don't want people to think that.

Tacky Prom

This past weekend, Harvard held its annual Tacky Prom. The idea of Tacky Prom is simple: you put together a hideous or counter-culture outfit (or both!) and go party. It's a good time.

This year, I decided to go the counter-culture route. I always wanted to be a punk kid, but never really got around to it in my youth. I had, however, acquired a pair of purple mid-calf lace up army boots, so the underpinnings were there.

After carefully surveying my closet, I picked out a color theme (of course there is a theme! In my opinion being tacky means that you tried to look put-together, but didn't quite pull it off). I went with the red family: maroon top, red skirt, orange tights and purple boots. I chose silver elbow-length gloves (to match my silver eye shadow), a black bracelet (black goes with everything), and a peridot ring (green and red are complimentary colors, right?) But something was missing.

I needed a fauxhawk.

So I got's me a fauxhawk.

Here is the finished product

I'm the one on the right. The one with the fauxhawk.

You can't really see the orange tights and purple boots in that picture. Here is the whole thing:

It's not my favorite pic of the night, but it's the only full-body one. At least you can see the fauxhawk clearly.

It was a blast. I'm sorry I'm graduating and won't get to do it again next year. Wait. I'm not sorry I'm graduating, but I am sorry I won't get to do it again next year.

And did I mention that I liked my fauxhawk?

Fauxhawk fauxhawk fauxhawk.

Think Pink

No need to go on and on about the Maybelline long-lasting lipcolor that I like so much. You guys have heard it all before. Even el seester agrees; there ain't no "maybe" about it.

When I ran out of my lighter, everyday lipcolor, I decided to try one shade darker. My old lipcolor was Blush. One shade off is affectionately called Pink. And it is aptly named. For boy oh boy is it pink.

Barbie doll Pink.

Now, I have blond hair and blue eyes and pale skin like Barbie, so wearing her lipstick doesn't look bad on me- I've just never worn anything quite so... Pink. It is quite startling. And until I get used to it, I think about it every time someone looks at me. I have Barbie Pink on the brain.

Today is the first day of the Spring semester, and I have run into several of my friends. Many of them kind of look me over and furrow their brows, trying to place what's different about me. The conversation goes something like:
Friend: You look different.
Me: Let's go shopping!
Friend: What?
Me: What?
Friend: Did you cut your hair?
Me: No, still growing it out.
Friend: Oh. Well you look... different.
Me: Pink?
Friend: What?
Me: What?

No one has identified the new lipcolor as the cause of my differentness. I would be surprised if they did; after all, it's only one shade off my normal lip color. Still, every time I see a friend, I wonder if they will ask if I have a dreamhouse that matches my lipstick.

Come on, Barbie, let's go party.

TAW

My winter class this term is called TAW, which stands for Trial Advocacy Workshop. It's a great, hands-on class in which every day you prepare a different part of a trial and present it in front of a small group of classmates (and occasionally a large group of classmates and a camera) and get critiqued on your style, voice, mannerisms, etc. It's probably the most useful class in law school, in my humble (and correct) opinion.

Today is the third day, and we are focusing on cross-examinations. The first day was opening statements and the second direct examinations. The best part of the day is watching the people selected to perform in front of the large class and camera. They are chosen at random (even the supposed witnesses), and while some people thrive under pressure and nerves, others fluster, and fluster quite comically.

Yesterday, the alleged victim of a car crash was talking about the severe pain he felt in his back.
Attorney: Describe for the jury the pain you felt.
Witness: Well, not to use that old cliche, but it felt like elephants walking on and inside my spine.
Ah yes, the old "elephants on my spine" cliche. So tired.

Another one, which I find quite funny, may only be humorous to those in the legal field. The defense attorney had just finished examining the defendant, who is accused of murder. The prosecutor stood to do her cross.
Prosecutor: You were hanging out with your Marine buddies that day, weren't you?
Witness: Yes
Prosecutor: So after you had a couple of drinks with them you decided to check out the alleged robbery without calling on-duty police, isn't that right?
Defense Attorney: Objection! Assumes drinks not in evidence!

I would try to explain that one, but then it just wouldn't be as funny.

Yesterday I was called up to do part of my examination for the large class and the camera. They said I did well, but I'll let you know once I see me on tape. I used to have a body tic of slightly swaying side to side during presentations. I hope I've kicked that one, but we'll see.

Stay tuned

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just recovering.

On Thursday night of last week, my two closest gal pals, Amanda and Melanie, descended on the city of Chicago for a crazy fun girls' weekend. And crazy fun it was.

I'm going give details (only slightly edited to protect the innocent) as soon as I get my hands on the photo evidence, of which Mel currently has sole custody. In the mean time I'm going to try sleeping again. I remember sleep...

For now, let's just say it was one of the most crazy fun girls' weekends I have ever had.